You know how in day-to-day life we make all kinds of decisions without even realizing that we are making decisions all day long? Simple things that I can usually do on autopilot suddenly required thought. I am buying fruit in a grocery store -- remember to weigh it in the produce department. I am meeting this person for the first time -- remember to kiss them on the cheek. And although new habits formed to the point where I didn't have to think about it anymore, there were four months worth of things that I suddenly had to think about. Like I said, it was cool to get to figure those things out, but it was tiring.
Add to that a language barrier.
If fluency in a language can be rated on a scale of 1-10, getting to level 2 is pretty easy (hello, how are you, I do [everything in present tense only], whose book is this?), but the leap from level 2 to levels 3 and 4 is much harder to make. (Do you remember that you said you would help me today? I would like to meet his parents and tell them that he speaks English well. I did [anything in the past tense(s)] and I will do [something in the future tense]). Between having limited general vocabulary to begin with, learning Chilean Spanish, and not being able to parse the Chilean accent easily, my brain was constantly doing guesswork and scripting/practicing conversations as much as it could in advance of any interactions. At first, constructing questions was the challenge, and the challenge quickly became being ready to understand the responses. Cool! I just some amount of kilo of meat from the butcher! I don't know what kind of meat it is, but it looks edible. Oh...now he's telling me something...what is he telling me...I have to go over there...ahhhh, I have to pay for it first, get a receipt, and then come back to the meat counter to get the meat. I think. Or. I have to get something from the pharmacy. I have to talk to a pharmacist to get it. I'll do it tomorrow. Immersion is the best way to go when learning a language, but it is tiring.
Add to that the frustrations I had with myself.
You know that old saying "everywhere you go, there you are"? I spent too much time processing the truths (real, perceived, doesn't matter) of that adage. Many of my insecurities were highlighted to me the longer I was there (mainly because my way of compensating for weaknesses didn't work for me while I was there), and there were two incidents that confirmed worst fears about myself (mainly because I was so tired that it was far too easy for me to fall into the oh, god, the problem is me and my way of being in the world line of thinking). Damn. I can't say that I successfully staved off the negative thinking, but the work of doing so was a) fascinating, and b) (you got it) tiring.
So, my brain was always full. Over time I developed new stamina as I got used to how things work in Chile, and as the Spanish improved. (In March, I maxed out around noon. In April I maxed out around 4pm, and in May I maxed out around 9pm). But still. I required minimum 10 hours of sleep every night, which meant that I was always the first one to go to bed. (11pm or midnight on the weekdays, 1am on the weekends).
I think I always would have been perceived as the girl who sleeps a lot, regardless. Chileans, generally speaking, seem to operate on about 5 hours of sleep a day. I've never been able to sustain that, nor do I want to try.
If you ever think about doing something like this, consider a country that siestas.
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